Advice For Utah Jazz Addicts
Could there be a better time of year? Baseball is finally relevant, I spend my lunches looking over the Fantasy Football waiver wires, and Utah Jazz training camp is just around the corner. All of that combined with the season premiere of “The Office” later this week and I can barely contain myself. (Yes, I do have a man crush on both D-Will and Dwight Schrute.)
I did the math earlier today and as disturbing as this might sound, I am now committing to spend no less than 225 hours between October and June watching Utah Jazz basketball. (8 pre-season games, 82 regular season games at an average of 2.5 hours, you gotta love it baby.) That figure does not include the playoff run I anticipate as well as any time I will spend re-watching my favorite games. It is a serious addiction, but luckily I have a strong support system that will enable me to get the Jazz fix that I crave so badly.
I know there are plenty of you out there who suffer from the same addiction and you may be wondering if you can make the 225 hour commitment. My advice to you is to indulge yourself and feed your addiction. Trust me you do not want to be the fan who missed that game winning jumper or the greatest come back in Utah Jazz history. You will be rewarded for your dedication.
One last random Utah Jazz thought not related to my illness. While reading the newspaper last week I found a connection between two unrelated stories. I came to the conclusion that I have never seen AK-47 and Dell Schanze in the same place at the same time. Could it be that they are indeed the same person? The similarities in looks and personality are undeniable.
10 Comments to “Advice For Utah Jazz Addicts”
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You had to do it, didn’t you Tim. You have now pissed off Superdell and will feel his wrath. I fear for your life. This man will haunt your dreams forever. Trust me, I went down this road and the only thing it leads to is tragedy for this great nation.
Although I agree with your addiction, your estimate is a little low considering all of the sports talk radio and newspaper articles that will eat up my time as well.
@Mark
Thanks for bringing up the fact that my numbers may be a bit low. The reason I did not include that in my estimate is because I multi task while listening to Talk Radio or reading the paper. Something I would never do while watching a Jazz game.
In regards to the wrath of Superdell, I think he would take it as a compliment to be compared to AK-47. That combined with my pocket full of kryptonite, I should be ok.
I think you may be on to something here with the AK Superdell connection. Everyone with a TV or radio knew about Superdell, his non-traditional marketing skills, and crazy antics. At first everything went great for Schanze, until the money hit. Then he went a little crazy, and he started showing his true colors.
I was an AK fan with everyone else when he was a team-player, and most favored son of LHM. I can accept that he had a bad year, but instead of taking personal ownership for his poor performance on the floor and trying to work things out, AK has lashed out just like our favorate computer-pimp gone mad.
I think AK now has an inflated ego, and thinks that everyone in the league would love to have him… but I think that his behavior this off-season has shown his true colors… and I can understand why Kevin’s phone isn’t ringing off the hook.
The best thing AK could do is keep his head down, and his head on the game, and with the team. If he can demonstrate his ability to mesh and compliment our team, then I think he has a much better chance at ending up where he wants to be (out of Utah). Of course seeing the AK of old return to his All-Star ways would make his departure that much more sour for true Jazz Fans.
@Chris
I’m glad to see you were able to relate to my comparison of Super Dell and AK. In fact, I think you were able to articulate it better than I could have myself. To me it has been sad to see someone go from fan favorite to being infected with Ostertag syndrome. That being said I do not think the situation is hopeless. If AK can some how swallow his pride, this team will accept him and try to accommodate some of his desires. One short 5×5 early in the season and Jazz fans will find it in there hearts to forgive and forget.
I will be the first to admit that I was down on Boozer a couple of years ago (the “FAKE” injury year), but once he came back and started producing, I was right back on the bandwagon.
This time around with AK I am taking a different approach. I’m not sure I want him to leave. If he can come back and mend his relationships with the team and start producing again then I guarantee that everyone will be back on his bandwagon. That is why I am reserving judgment on AK until he is officially gone.
With me, I am the complete opposite. I was just happy that Boozer came to Utah in the first place, Now that he’s here and healthy it’s just that much harder to believe that he’s actually here and playing, and playing probably better than most of us could even imagine.
This whole AK thing, I see it like this: if you remember back when we AK signed that huge contract it was a very difficult deal to get done. He wasn’t going to take anything less than a max deal! We give him 86 million, make him an All-star, and take him to the conference finals a few years later. And he repays the jazz pay requesting a trade. I see where he’s coming from in a small way. But AK needs to realize this is his job and it’s not always supposed to be fun! And I am kind of swayed this way too because of the chance of getting Marion and rumor has it he would be shipped out along with Collins. Now Tim! What better news do we need than that? Collins leaving is what i have been asking for since he got here. just imagine are front court with Marion.
Alright, I’ve gotta step in to stop this baseball bashing. I could layout many, many reasons why it is the superior sport, but I digress.
I must also come to AKs defense. The only similarities in personality between SuperDell and AK is Dell owned a gun store, and AK is nicknamed after a gun.
AK is a stand up guy.
@Russ
You have to admit that the baseball season is way too long. Not to mention the fact that Bonds has ruined my year as a fan. The good news is A-Rod should break that “record” soon enough. I wish Griffey would have stayed health throughout his career.
In regards to AK, I will stick by my original statement. I think SuperDell and AK-47 could be the exact same person. The truth be told, I was really going for the humor factor to distract from all of the other AK bashing going on. If you are looking for a fun activity, go to SuperDell’s blog and read it in a Russian accent. it is a good time.
Tim,
You forgot about your other man crush–Max Hall!!
@Bryan
Alll I have to say is this is one more reason for me to hate Max Hall. Next time you should just rub salt in the wound, it would be less painful. My official list of man crushes is:
DWill
Dwight Schrute
Darren McFadden
Flea
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