Halloween - Jazz Style

Posted by Keith Haney on October 31, 2007

There are really only two options to go today for this post, either offer up a review of last night’s season opener or comment on Halloween in some way. I’m going with Halloween, since it’s my favorite holiday. I’ve been debating what to dress up as for several months now and I’m still undecided. In the course of my brainstorming, I came up with the following basketball related costumes. I hope you like them.

Costume 1) NBA Team Owner

What it is: Like the commercials say, “You know this guy.” so you shouldn’t have much trouble being recognized when you go out trick or treating. The only problem with this costume is that everyone will give you their opinion of how they would make it better if they were in your shoes.

The Style: Pastel yelllow polo shirt, eye drops and tissues (to help you out in those cry on demand situations), a couple of car dealerships, and maybe a softball to show off your athletic past.

Perfect candy: Should someone show up at your doorstep dressed as an NBA owner, there really isn’t anything you could give him because he already owns a friggin team. You can’t leave him empty handed though, so how about a couple of tickets to the local Megaplex, and a tasty Mayan burrito. What’s that you say, you already have those to? I’m fresh out of ideas then.

Costume 2) NBA Coach

What it is: This slick suit is sure to impress the biggest Halloween Hum-bugs and get you some great reviews. In other states you’d have to change this costume every couple of years, but in Utah, you can reuse these digs indefinitely. They never go out of style.

Accessories: Finely tailored sports jacket, John Deere hat, bag full of four-letter cuss words, and a clipboard outlining the Pick N’ Roll

Perfect candy: There’s really only one thing to give this guy should he show up on your porch - an NBA Championship ring. If you’re out of those, a Coach of the Year Plaque can be your version of a tootsie roll - tasty and all, but nothing to get too excited over.

Costume 3) NBA Superstar

What it is: You can’t go wrong with this outfit. The fame, the ladies, the money. It has it all. Although you might be cold outside in those shorts when you hit the neighborhood.

Accessories: Authentic jersey, sharpie (for signing autographs), clever tattoo that expresses your love for the game, and as many pieces of bling as your body can hold.

Perfect candy: What does every superstar want? Two things of course - a max contract and his own shoe deal. Take it to the next level by handing out an MVP trophy.

There you have it. My best suggestions for the perfect NBA costumes. Now go out there and trick-or-treat your heart out on the 31st. I can’t think of a better way to acquire all of my snacks for watching Jazz games than to have my neighbors just give them to me!