The Jazz Manifesto/Fanifesto

Posted by Aaron Allen on October 11, 2008

‘Appreciate Kobe?!’ (NBAE/Getty Images)

So I know this Grandma (we’ll call her Betty) who never misses a Phoenix Suns game on TV. Not one. She can only identify a few of the players by name, and doesn’t “follow” the team in the modern sense. That means she knows very little about contract situations or opt-out clauses or which players are disgruntled or which are dating supermodels or which stay in Utah during the off-season, or who is on the trading block. I get the feeling that those things don’t really matter to her, and don’t factor into her experience when she watches a game. I admit her experience is completely different than mine. I “follow” the team on the internet and, sometimes, if I’m in Utah, on sports-talk radio. I know Okur and Boozer can opt out, just like you know it. I know which players have max contracts, and I know (because I ran into him) which player buys World of Warcraft at the Gateway. The problem is that I know too much, and that knowledge effects the way I watch a game. The simple fact is Betty and I approach and experience the game differently. And it’s clear to me that Betty who never misses a Suns game is having much more fun than I am.

What tends to happen to “die-hard” fans is that they lose all ability to experience the beauty of the game as it happens. They are too busy focusing on peripheries, like who can opt-out, or the player who tweaked his ankle in the first quarter and how that might hurt our perimeter defense during the next road trip which might hurt our chances of slowing down the shooting guards we’re going to see on the next road trip which might lower our standing in the playoff picture which might (maybe!) (possibly!) mean that we would lose home-court advantage and have to face a team that gives our interior defense problems. You get the picture. Lost somewhere in all those projections is the enjoyment of the actual game as it happens. Watching a Jazz game is entertaining, sure, but for the die-hard it’s entertainment tinged with nervousness and lorded over by a cloud of hypotheticals.

In the past I’ve watched Jazz games while ringing my hands. It’s a problem, and almost everyone who listens to sports talk radio has it. If you don’t think you do, ask your spouse or Significant other. And If you don’t have either of those then I say to you, well… “exactly”.

It might be way too new age to say “access the power of now” when referencing a basketball game, but that is what Betty is doing when she watches her Suns play. Because she doesn’t know anything that’s going on behind the scenes she resists all attempts to speculate, and she appreciates the physical awesomeness of NBA basketball as it happens. She revels in it. She makes spontaneous little giggles of joy when Nash does something that should be impossible. She berates the refs with no malice. She winks at the announcers on TV. She keeps her hands together up close to her face so she can clap with happiness every time someone does what they’re supposed to do. I envy her. I wish I could be more like her, especially this year.

This year there is a perfect storm of hypotheticals surrounding the Jazz. Two stars can opt-out, a max extension kicks in next year that will dramatically alter the salary structure of the team, the luxury tax looms, two very young power forwards are playing for new contracts, there is a large, large man who might not have the desire to be an NBA player, the coach could retire at any time, and Masha Kirilenko just opened a big and tall store. It’s enough to make the die hard go insane with speculation. There is also another glaring truth about this year’s Jazz: Sloan calls it his most talented team. Ever. They are blessed with a point guard, a power forward, a small forward and two shooting guards in their absolute primes, the quick development of Deron Williams, Ronnie Brewer and Paul Millsap (and the years left on their rookie contracts) has allowed for way too much talent to be contained under a 70 million dollar salary cap, and the team often plays with a cohesiveness not seen since, well, ever. If I can’t be more like Betty in the way I watch a game then I (or you) might miss this year’s beautiful, scientific basketball forest for the opt-out trees.

So here are some steps, a poor man’s manifesto, on how I (and you) can live more in the “basketball now”. -I refuse to ever allow myself to reference (in my head or otherwise) the contract situations of any member of the Jazz during a game. -I refuse to hypothetically trade Kirilenko (and his contract) for a member or members of the team we happen to be playing. -I refuse to validate my hypothetical Kirilenko trades with the ESPN trade machine, even though it is awesome. -While we’re on a Kirilenko kick, I promise to enjoy the frenetic mastery of how he plays and not bemoan how hesitant he sometimes plays in Utah’s offense. AK is like the really amazing girlfriend that you don’t have time for because you are super busy with school and an idiot, so you always feel a little bit of guilt that you are still together because, let’s face it, she’d probably be better off with someone more attentive. AK is like that, and (admit it) the Suns (or Knicks) are the boyfriend she should really be with.

- I refuse to feel frustrated when a certain long tenured backup center enters the game. In fact, he’s got a clean slate with me. Dude can take a charge. - I refuse to speculate on bazaar injury scenarios to the NY Knicks (mild, team-wide outbreak of Pontiac fever, for example) that would land us an incredibly high pick in 2010 -I hereby forget all injury history regarding ankles or knees or wrists or (gulp) hamstrings. -I promise not to secretly dislike Kyle Korver for how giddy he makes whatever woman I happen to be watching the game with. I will instead enjoy his uncanny ability to get incredibly hot while shooting open threes only to have him force/brick a fall-away contested three and ruin his hot streak. I gotta think Jerry Sloan hates the “heat-check” three, even though the crowd loves it. If KK ever abandoned his heat-check threes and just shot open shots while hot, I don’t think he would ever cool down. Which I’m sure most women would enjoy, almost sinfully. -I promise to stand up and shout for joy everytime I see something physically awe-inspiring. Ronnie Brewer is going to give me a workout. -I hereby relinquish all comparisons of current Jazz players to former Jazz players, except any references to John Crotty, Tommy “Gun” Chambers, or Blue Edwards, and then only for humorous purposes. -I refuse to watch a D-will vs. CP3 matchup while comparing their relative draft day positions. I will only appreciate their singular talents. You should too, this story is old. -I promise to appreciate Kobe Bryant for his enormous physical gifts and his obvious dedication, instead of disliking him for his angry mentality and proclivity to curse loudly at Jazz fans. This is a tough one, and may have to be amended. -Lastly, I hereby relinquish all speculation on the playoff or championship possibilities of this Jazz team and dutifully promise to enjoy the 2008-09 Jazz only as they happen, dribble drive by dribble drive.

With solemnity, Aaron Allen

Now, if you want to sign the manifesto (or not), do so in your comments. Together we can be more like Betty.

13 Comments

J R Stewart on October 11, 2008 said:

My family is littered with Jazz fanatics, yet we still enjoy the game itself, even the plays made by the other teams. However, there can be sever depressive episodes after a loss.
My mother in law, who lived into her 90’s, was like Betty, but she seethed whenever Pat Riley and the Hated Lakers would come to town.
Just because you know all the nuances of the game, doesn’t mean you can’t relax and enjoy the game itself. After all, it is just a game.

Jazzaholic

pmannion on October 11, 2008 said:

Put my name down.

Mr. Bytheway on October 11, 2008 said:

I refuse to take advice from a Suns fan!

Just kidding, I agree with chilling out during the games and enjoying this awesome sport. My only exception will be when Harpring bricks a layup. When that happens, all logic goes out the window.

Baselilne Angle on October 11, 2008 said:

I agree with all of this as well. The only thing that I’ll allow to get in the way of my enjoyment of the game is the stupid, stupid practice of switching cameras during a fastbreak to the camera on the baseline underneath the basket. I hate, hate, HATE this. Why in the freaking world do they do this??? It disrupts the flow as you watch, it’s disorienting, it often results in the wrong player being shown, and worst of all, it is NOT a preferable angle for watching a cool basketball play!!!! The normal, halfcourt, decent-distanced-back camera shot that broadcasts utilize 90% of the time is THE best way to watch a basketball play. I”m fine with showing some replays from under the basket, but please, PLEASE don’t do it during the course of an actual fastbreak. Good grief.

Annie Whittaker on October 11, 2008 said:

I totally agree with B-Angle! Oh, and Aaron, Kyle’s just hot all of the time. The hotness presents in different forms, thus making it frustrating to understand why his shooting seams “streaky.” If you just realize the hotness factor kind off moves around, you might just not experience such disbelief when he misses some of those “heat checks.”

JayD on October 11, 2008 said:

I think that I would have a hard time being anything but what I am when I watch those games . I can be relaxed until they start blowing leads or the refs are making seamingly bad calls . I just get so up tight that I want to explode . But I still think that I enjoy watching those games . It may not be the same as watching other teams play but I do enjoy it .
So I cant wait for the season to begin . I wish that I could get some of the pre season games on my dish . That is one of the things that I miss about living in Utah , I cant get KJZZ here ….. But I did get quite a few games on either NBA TV or the Alternates .
Lets go Jazz !!!!

Linda McFarland on October 12, 2008 said:

I don’t come anywhere close to what most of you know about the statistics of the team but I pride myself on being a grandma who knows quite a bit. I can still be a “Betty” when watching the game. I love every minute of it. I get a little preterbed (mad) when they don’t give the ball to Korver to shoot o0n a quick release. If he stops a minute and thinks about it then he misses more than if he gets it and can shoot it immediatly. So many times during the last game he was down in one corner right away, because he gets down the floor quickly, and no one even noticed he was there. I know Sloan isn’t fond of the 3 pointer but a few would have helped the other night. Does anyone know when Boozer and Harpring are suppose to be back?

Aaron Allen on October 12, 2008 said:

Annie,

I think we need to decide if hotness refers to Korver’s shooting touch or some other aspect of his “person”. I think there might be way too much tongue in cheek going on around here.

Annie Whittaker on October 13, 2008 said:

Never too much tongue in cheek Aaron, never.

James Best on October 16, 2008 said:

Ok, I agree. I will sign the manifesto.

Now I want to meet Betty. I want to watch a game with her and eat her snickerdoodles and worry that I’m upsetting her couch doilies. And then we could watch a little Matlock afterwards and talk about “dunks”.

Aaron, you set up this meeting. Betty’s my new basketball buddy.

Collette Larsen on October 17, 2008 said:

Awesome blog, Aaron. My mom’s name is “Betty” - really. And you describe her (and I’m afraid it’s genetic…me…) perfectly. Love those Jazz - and could care less about all the stuff behind the scenes. Just give me a large bowl of popcorn and the game in HD.

Jazz Fannnnn on October 18, 2008 said:

Great article Aaron, but as much as I wish I could watch a Jazz game like Grandma Betty and others, I’m afraid I watch the game like a pot of hot water…just sitting there ON my hands, knowing it’s just a matter of time until we blow our lead or Boozer misses 4 of his last 6 down the stretch (just like Malone would) and I begin to “boil over” knowing we just lost again when it matters most! ;-(

SydSnarr on October 18, 2008 said:

I can’t sign the manifesto….this year. Too many seasons of wanting the prize! Not just for the fans and the players, but I REALLY want it for Jerry and Larry. Two men who have given their all to this franchise deserve a championship. This makes it hard to not get distraught over every missed opportunity…….there’s been just too many for me to turn into a Betty!