Ten Things I Miss About You

Posted by James Seaman on November 12, 2008

‘No Bad Calls’ (Melissa Majchrzak - NBAE/Getty Images)

Every NBA arena has its idiosyncrasies as well as loveable qualities. New Orleans, for instance, must be the only place in the league where you can eat a crawfish pie as you watch the game. One of the funniest things about living in New York was the way fans at Madison Square Garden would viciously boo any contestant who missed a shot during one of those halftime or end-of-quarter promotions. As I get set to watch another season of games on TV, here are ten non-basketball related things I miss (some begrudgingly and some whole-heartedly) about attending Jazz games at Energy Solutions Arena.

10. The way Dan Roberts says, “From Russia with love,” every time he introduces Andrei Kirilenko.

9. Hearing Jazz fans endearingly and almost comically jeer every call that goes the other way. If it occurred to them, they’d scream, “Scorer you suck!” for giving the opponent a point after a made free throw.

8. Rocking out to the massive amount of cheesy 1980s Butt Rock that blares over the P.A. system, particularly Def Leppard. I bet Okur and Kirilenko secretly love it.

7. Screaming, “Nickelback sucks!” whenever their lead singer—er, Allen Handy, I mean—steps onto the court for another ridiculous promotion.

6. Having to stand in a separate line for beer, as opposed to picking one up with my hot dog.

5. Realizing this is the only context in which I can cheer alongside a BYU fan.

4. Wishing the Bear would perform more old-school, death-defying stunts like riding his bike down the stairs. The skits amuse and the antics entertain, but nothing beats seeing a person in a bear suit jump through a ring of fire to dunk a basketball.

3. That goofy bit on the Jumbotron where Jazz players tell fans to make noise because “It’s the fourth quarter!” One year Kirilenko’s line hilariously said, “Make some noises,” after which my buddy Matt and I would emit as many barnyard animal sounds as we could think of.

2. The Nu-Skin Jazz Dancers. Especially when they wear the referee outfits.

1. The little chocolates they give you following a victory as you exit the building and disappear into the frigid winter night.

11 Comments

Jay Ray on November 12, 2008 said:

#6b - the lines for icecream are always longer and more out of control than the beer lines are.

Mal on November 12, 2008 said:

Bad news James. They don’t give the sweet taste of victory mints anymore! Maybe that’s good news for you because now you know you aren’t missing out on them. But we need to petition to get those back!

Make some noises–absolutely hilarious. Al Handy slam? Even funnier ! The main thing I can’t agree with, though, are the ridiculous Jazz dancer referee outfits.

Bob on November 12, 2008 said:

The 1980s Butt Rock is better than some of the stuff they are playing these days.

At Saturdays game, about 6 minutes before tipoff, they were playing Numa Numa.

Annie Whittaker on November 12, 2008 said:

Um, what is the derivation of the term Butt Rock?

McCall Meyer on November 12, 2008 said:

Make some noises…. CLASSIC!

James Seaman on November 13, 2008 said:

Annie,
There isn’t really a definition, but I know Butt Rock when I see and hear it! I guess it’s what happened to the bands that grew up listening to Lez Zeppelin, but decided to wear make-up and stop playing the blues once they became real musicians (if we can call them that). See: Poison, Motley Crue, Cinderella, Bon Jovi, etc. Guns n’ Roses, however, counts as real music. Interestingly, Aerosmith was a real band in the 1970s, fell of the face of the Earth, then came back as Butt Rock extraordinaire in the 80s.

Linda McFarland on November 13, 2008 said:

The candies don’t really matter because sine we never, ever left before a game was completely over and it took us awhile to get down the stairs they were all out 95% of the time. Should we reward people for leaving earlier whether the team is way ahead or way behind? Just a thought. Jared….Since we have had all the mishhaps I haven’t seen your name as often! Did you change your name and move? Just a joke.

Annie Whittaker on November 13, 2008 said:

Speaking of the mints-they’re not given out due to changes and then not changes of the owners of the chocolate company. At the time the Jazz promotions were being decided, the chocolate company was in the process of selling their business, so certain advertising/promotions were not continued by the new ownership, who then didn’t actually end up going through with the deal to buy the company. Eric can correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s the story I read in my business magazine.

Linda McFarland on November 13, 2008 said:

Annie…….It’s nice to have someone on the Jazz Blogs that can keep us in the know. Thanks for the info.

John M and Kathy M on November 16, 2008 said:

How about Hot Rod on the radio sarcastically castigating the officials he hates so much? His “Unbelievable.” just drips of hate and contempt. Is there another announcer in the league who could get away with that?

MattC on November 16, 2008 said:

I really do think they should bring back the chocolates, but hand them out after a loss rather than a win. Who needs candy to feel good after a victory? But after one of the very rare and very painful home losses, I know I could use some chocolate.