Renaming the Jazz

Posted by James Seaman on November 29, 2008

‘The Pistol Pete’s?’
Anytime someone here in New Orleans learns of my diehard allegiance to the Utah Jazz, they respond with the same predictable tripe, “Did you know that you stole our team?” No genius, actually your fair city refused to support its basketball franchise, so they left. Don’t get me wrong, I love New Orleans: the architecture, the food, the music, and especially the people. I just can’t stand the bandwagon-jumping Hornets fans who suddenly act like they have the market cornered on NBA basketball. To appease these unruly folk, I sent a selective list of 30 potential names to the NBA league office, looking for a possible replacement for Jazz so we can give New Orleans its name back. All of the following received consideration, though not equally. In the end, however, we decided Jazz does belong in Utah, if for no other reason than we’ve become attached to it. For entertainment value, let’s look at the list of proposed replacement nicknames for the Utah Jazz:

The Pioneers
The Mountain Men
The Mountain Lions
The Brine Shrimp
The Salty Lakers
The Drought
The Trout
The Beehives
The Beehive Hairdos
The Mini Vans
The UDOTs
The Road Ragers
The Red Rocks
The Spent Radioactive Fuel Rods
The Powder
The Ski Bums
The Inversion
The Pick and Rolls
The Casseroles
The Green Jello Shooters
The 3.2
The Closed on Sundays
The 47ers
The Sloans
The John Stocktons
The Jon Huntsmans
The Karl Malones
The Karl Roves
The Wasatch Warriors
The Die Hards

Did we miss anything? Post a comment with your nominations for Jazz replacement names.

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11 Comments

Tommy on November 30, 2008 said:

The Jazz

casey w on November 30, 2008 said:

The MAV’s (Mormon Assault Vehicles)

John M and Kathy M on November 30, 2008 said:

How about the Avalanche?

BN on December 01, 2008 said:

The Mountains?

JayRay on December 01, 2008 said:

remember, they have to end in “zz”:
the gulzzz
the traperzz
the beezz
the blazze
the razz
the ma
the tazz
the coloquial schoolzz for the englizz
the fanzz (worst name ever?)
the stingerzz

Chase Peterson on December 01, 2008 said:

Who exactly made up these names. Some names sounded like the person who came up with them at the time were drunk. I think we have grown attached with the name Jazz. I would never change it. In some weird way it just sort of fits amd became known. Like The Lakers, they were traded from were? Minnesota the land of a thousand lakes. and now Los angelas. No lakes
But Lakers just fits and I think the Jazz jsut fits. Don’t change it.

Trent Thornton on December 02, 2008 said:

Saints…now that would make us the most hated basketball team in history…it has self-righteous written all over it, but would be the most culturally appropriate

eddyboy on December 02, 2008 said:

Salty Dogs

eddyboy on December 02, 2008 said:

how about Sonics?

JayRay on December 03, 2008 said:

eddyboy,
how about the “soniczz”?

JayD on December 07, 2008 said:

Sorry , I like the Jazz . I know that it is not really connected to this state but I agree with Tommy and Chase , it fits us now . May we always be the Utah Jazz . !!!!!!!!

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