One Game Suspension…

Posted by Bryan Hickman on January 28, 2009

Every so often — when they deserve it — I put the Jazz on suspension. It usually lasts only one game, but there’s really no set list of rules on the matter. Basically, when the team doesn’t perform up to its potential, I refuse to watch one or more games. That’s right…I don’t tune in and, in most cases, I don’t even talk about the team for a full day. Now, most of you are saying something along the lines of “Who the H are you to put the Jazz on suspension?” But, the thing is, I’m obviously pretty important because, almost every time I issue a suspension, the Jazz pull out a win.

Admittedly, I haven’t done a full statistical analysis to substantiate that claim, but it definitely seems to help – in my mind if nowhere else.

So, consider this the Jazz’s notice – they are on a one-game suspension effective immediately. For the purposes of Friday’s game against the Thunder, the Jazz are dead to me (excluding, of course, those inevitable moments late in the evening when I interrupt whatever I’m doing tonight to check the score on my iPhone). They better be careful because, at this point, the suspension could extend past tonight (but it probably won’t…I’m kind of a pushover).

Why am I resorting to such drastic measures? Quite frankly, I don’t know what else to do.   Four games in a row?  It’s like the sky is falling.  Just last week, we were in the thick of the division race and seemed to have turned a corner.  But, after tonight’s game against an admittedly great Spurs team (holy crap, I hate the Spurs), we’re an afterthought and, once again, on the outside looking in on the playoff race.

This is the second suspension I’ve issued this year, the first coming in mid December, after which the Jazz won two games in a row (just sayin’).  At that point, the problem was a lack of effort — they’d lost some very winnable games against top tier teams and the suspension was supposed to serve as a wake-up call.  It worked…kinda…okay, not really.

Honestly, after this last stretch, I’m not sure what purpose the suspension is meant to serve.  The list of problems seems to be too long to call for a simple attitude adjustment.  Maybe it’s a prayer — like a fast or something.  That’s it…I’m praying that Kirilenko won’t need surgery, that Carlos will actually be back after the All Star break (he’s teased us before about his return) and play well, and the Memo’s shooting slump will end.

I’m sorry it had to come to this.  Like I said, I just don’t know what else to do.

(NOTE: The author of this post is well aware that the world doesn’t revolve around him and that, in actuality, no one on the Jazz roster or in the organization takes his so-called suspensions seriously…except Jarron Collins…he’s totally obsessed with winning the author’s approval. Just sayin’.)

1 Comment

mahern on January 29, 2009 said:

Amen, I think it is about time someone starts setting some appropriate boundries with the Jazz about the under achieving! On the east coast, if they aren’t in the hunt I get even less coverage than I would normally get. I feel so frustrated about the Jazz’s complete inability to win against good teams. In the past it sucked that they always seemed to lose to bad teams but they at least took out some top tier teams. This season they are still capable of losing to the Thunder but they can’t seems to win any big games. Its not that I don’t love the Jazz. Its just that I do and so I am freaking out about it. I’m just glad that someone is taking some action. Maybe it will wake some people up.

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