Call Me A Scout

Posted by Mallory Meyer on May 07, 2009
Mallory Meyer


Playoff basketball is my favorite basketball.  I could watch it all day everyday.  Of course I’m sad that the Jazz are out, but there is still plenty of ball to be played.  Lest you think that my love for the Playoffs trumps my love for the Utah Jazz, I assure you that as I’m watching, I’m doing a little scouting for our own ball club.  I’m turning into quite the NBA executive.  I’m just about ready to make my pitch to KOC informing him what we need and what we definitely do not need as we gear up for next season.

Things We Should Never Touch With a Ten Foot Pole

Stan Van Gundy. This guy is insane.  He is such an idiot and does not have any ounce of professionalism in him.  The two press conference remarks I heard from him were absolutely ridiculous.  First one– “Is this to talk about the game or to lobby for calls?”  Second one– “You guys are going to say the Celtics made a good run, but we came out on top.  We are the ones who won the game.”  He’s nuts!!!!!!!!!  There is no better word for it.  I thought I wanted the Magic to win, but I might have to reconsider.  I know I dog on Sloan, but at least he’s professional.

Big Babies. The Celtics are a bunch of Big Baby Davises.  I like Rajan but he’s got to toughen up!  He’s always on the ground and he’s always milking every injury.  Buck up boys. Let’s not attract any big babies this off-season.

Arrogance. Exhibit A:  Kobe Bryant.  If arrogance is how you win, I want none of it.

Chia Pets. Kobe’s chia pet daughters haven’t been around much this year.  Darn.  I haven’t seen any tickling in the tunnel or kissing at halftime break. But don’t count it out just yet. Kobe’s PR man knows what he’s doing, but  I don’t want anyone on our squad who has to try this hard to convince everyone he is an okay guy.

Things We GOTTA Have, But Just Can’t Seem to Attract

Team Pride Hair-Dos. Ron Artest’s hair is so tight.  Mark my word–if the Jazz ever make it to the NBA Finals again, I will be carving a Jazz logo in the side of my head.  But it’s one thing for a fan to do it, and yet another to see a player do it.  The fans can’t have more energy and pride than the players do.  It just doesn’t work like that! Our players need a little more pride.   If I ever see Brewer, Deron, or Memo with a Jazz logo hairdo, I will be giddier than Kyle Korver the school boy.

Shooters. How does everyone in the league except us have a plethora of shooters?  The Boston-Bulls series showcased a lot of clutch shooting talent and made me realize just how bad we need shooters.  Why can’t we get any of them????   Horny, you interested in suiting back up?

Finishers. Tony Parker really comes to mind.  Anytime he gets in the lane, he puts it in the hole.  Deron hasn’t been a finisher since returning from his injury.  Each and every Jazz player could benefit from some serious lay-up clinics.

Sweet Taste of Victory Mints. Everytime I see George Karl sucking on his mints, I want one!  But I don’t want one of his mints–I want the ESA’s Sweet Taste of Victory Mints!  I sure hope we see them back next season.

Shane Battier Like Play. Oh man, I love this man.  He is T-O-U-G-H and he’s super composed.  Kobe was freakin’ elbowing him at the beginning of the first game and Battier stayed so calm.  He’s such a stud.  He looked so tough with all that blood running down his face.  Shane Battier, you are the man.  You interested in a Utah Jazz uniform?

Team Ball. The Jazz are a mess right now.  Watching all the other playoff teams has made me realize just how out of wack our team chemistry is.  Other players actually seem to like their teammates.  When choosing who should stay and who should go, management needs to put team chemistry issues first, even if it comes at the expense of some talent.

You are welcome for the feedback KOC,

–Mal

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22 Comments

montgump on May 07, 2009 said:

we need big guys that can block shots and rebound too

Trent on May 07, 2009 said:

And I thought Fisher was always composed like Battier. Well, he sure proved me wrong!

Mal on May 07, 2009 said:

I hate Derek Fisher.

Boondock Saint on May 07, 2009 said:

I thought the same thing watching the Chicago/Boston series. We need shooters. Watching the Jazz/Lakers series left me thinking we need a low post presence (totally agree montgump) that isn’t afraid to take contact, play D, and occasionally lay someone out. You know what like about Battier?! The more Kobe elbows, pushes, and loses his cool the more harder Battier plays. He is one of those rare people that plays better when emotions are running high. His anger, passion or whatever you want to call it makes him play defense that much better. The opposite?! Josh Smith, he is an awesome defender, has crazy hops, and can catch the alley-oop like a mad man but when he gets upset, angry or distracted he is worthless, commits stupid fouls, and generally becomes a liability. So here is to hoping we get someone that plays harder and better when the crap hits the fan.

@Trent Glad you have seen the light my friend. I’ve never thought of Fisher as a class act and this all around great guy. Even in a Jazz uni I just never bought it he stares down refs, when he gets called for a foul he puts the ball down…doesn’t bounce it back and keep playing (I think they should call a delay of game penalty)….but who am I to argue with TNT and ESPN who think he is the ultimate professional. Oh wait, I’m someone who isn’t paid millions to turn a blind eye to every stupid thing the Lakers get away with. Still a little peeved about the elbows and Kobe and everything else about the Lakers.

J R Stewart on May 07, 2009 said:

I’ve always wished the Jazz had Shane Battier, instead of Boozer. There’s probably a zero chance of the rockets letting him go. He’s got a couple more years under contract at about $7 million/year. Also, the Rockets are under the cap for next year, so a trade for financial reasons, would be unlikely, unless you would like to take Tracy McFailure and his $23 million for next year.

Fish is definitely not a choir boy, even though that’s his preferred spin. There should be an additional game suspension for a premeditated elbow to the neck/head.

Jazzaholic

Josh F on May 07, 2009 said:

I’ve got to agree with all of you. The Lakers have shown the ultimate display of arrogance, poor sportsmanship and class (they must finally be following the wonderful example Kobe sets). Even the fans were cheering that Fisher got ejected for losing his mind. I think itd be funny if one of the bigger Rockets players delivered the same move to Fisher. That person should get the equal punishment but little Fisher would be hurting a lot more.

ps. I’m not sure what it’d take to get Kobe suspended. Maybe if he brought a knife to the game they’d consider slapping him on the wrist for a one game suspension.

Betty on May 07, 2009 said:

Josh…only an extremely ridiculous foul on King James would get Kobe suspended. Maybe. If the stars and planets were aligned and every Jazz fan ate the same sandwich on the same day at the same time while all doing the same “let’s get NBA calls right” dance and Stu had a slight lapse in his normal judgement at exactly the same time that the sun set on the first Thursday in June.
Basically, it won’t ever happen.

Trent on May 07, 2009 said:

Ron Artest gets ejected, and nothing happens to Kobe? Ummmm, did I miss something? Is getting in someone’s face a means for ejection (rather than the normal technical foul)? Does elbowing someone in the throat merit a foul on the other player?

Give me a break! Kobe is playing dirty and not getting penalized for it. He should have already been suspended for the knee and elbow he purposely gave to Battier in game one.

JayD on May 07, 2009 said:

I dont think that any refs want to be the one throwing out the key player of an NBA franchise . I doubt that Kobe or Lebron would ever get that this year . I think that that is really sad that the rest of the NBA teams have to deal with this .
I also think that the Jazz just plum forgot how to shoot or play as a team , at the end of the season and the play-off series with the Lakers . Some of that might be attributed to good defense , but like you said all of the rest of the play-off teams have shooters that can shoot even when being guarded .
I just hope that our boys will really practice this summer and get past their personal problems . Then maybe we will see what we know that they are capable of .
Here’s to a good off season, go Jazz !!!!!

Meg on May 08, 2009 said:

Mal, enjoyed the chia pet comment…you know my feelings on Kobe–can’t stand him. I also have never like the Rockets (because McGrady is too arrogant himself), but with McGrady out I would LOVE for them go far…..and hope Artest continues to rough up Kobe!

Extreme Utah on May 08, 2009 said:

We need a shooter that will make a shot down the stretch. We thought we found that shooter in Kyle Korver but he can’t seem to make a shot when the pressure is on. (It’s kind of weird that he can’t make a shot when he’s wide open and set up either.)
What happened to DWill making layups? He should attend a Jr. Jazz clinic and get back to the basics. His missed layup at the end of game 5 extinguished any glimmer of hope we had and was the final nail in the coffin. If you want to see a real finisher, watch Chicago’s John Salmons. Now there’s a finisher!
It’s funny how the NBA rules seem to change to protect the Mamba Negra. I guess he got that nickname because he really is dangerous. He clearly elbowed Artest above the shoulders, which as the rules state is an automatic suspension, but since it was Kobe’s elbow, the league decided that Artest’s shoulders magically grew taller and the elbow was landed in Ron’s “chest.
Stan Van Gundy is nuts. He makes Jerry’s boring, mundane, answer every question the same (”it’s a players game, I’ve said that all along.”) interviews seem refreshing.
GET RON ARTEST IN A JAZZ UNIFORM! He’s tough, plays physical and has the attitude we are missing! Not only do I love the way he plays and that he won’t put up with Kobe’s crap but he has the best interviews and tells great stories! His interview after game 2 when he told the story about his friend dying on the court because someone broke a leg off a table and stabbed him in the heart with the table leg was pretty inspiring and he followed the story with “so I’m used to playing physical.” The Jazz need that toughness!
I LOVE the playoffs and hope the Jazz will improve this off season so they can participate in more of the playoffs next year.

xbyronx on May 08, 2009 said:

Here’s to hoping Ron Artest’s alter ego Ron-Ron shows up to play Kobe in game 3. He’ll be out for blood!

Josh F on May 09, 2009 said:

So now that game three is over… Ron Artest gets ejected with a flagrant 2 for a hard foul during a layup where the laker player fell down. That was purely a reputation call. If Kobe did the same thing it would’ve been a regular personal foul. no flagrant at all. It’s sickening to me how obvious they make the favoritism.

Jenn on May 09, 2009 said:

Two musts in my book- Get rid of Boozer and get rid of Sloan.

I guess I don’t see what everyone else sees in Kobe. I don’t dislike him. I certainly don’t love him, but I like him. I don’t see the arrogance like I do with McGrady. When ever Kobe talks to the media I see nothing but a man that appreciates the game. I think he is incredible and deserves all the sucess he receives. I think he is confient. But I agree, his PR guy certainly does his job to make him look like a good guy.. I know I will get a lot of crap for this, but I am okay with that!

I love Artest!!!! Enough said. I would love him in a Utah inform. I think we need D. Howard too.

James Seaman on May 09, 2009 said:

I like Battier as well. But I liked it even better when Matt Harpring was beating the crap out of him in the 2007 series. (Moment of silence for Matt Harpring).

And yeah, Fisher can die. And I don’t care when commentators are questioning how Jazz fans could treat Fisher like that. Those robots have clearly never loved a team.

I love Artest’s game, but he is psychotic. He’s about to melt down. Bet me.

Mal on May 11, 2009 said:

Good point Extreme. Salmons belongs on the list of finishers.

And Jenn, you are right. Liking Kobe is not allowed on this site :) . And are you still on Derek Fisher’s side too?

Jenn on May 11, 2009 said:

Now you are really going to be angry at me because YES, I do still like Fisher!!! I don’t think it is fair to assume the worst of a guy who was great to the Jazz and who has always shown himself to be a good man. Am I missing something with him? :)

James Seaman on May 11, 2009 said:

uh, yeah, you’re missing something about fisher…he plays for the LAKERS!!!

J R Stewart on May 12, 2009 said:

The Hated Lakers!!!

The Mailman even got booed, when he defected.

Jazzaholic

Mal on May 12, 2009 said:

Jenn, Jenn, Jenn. What are you thinking??? Fisher as a classy man????

But I do have to say, I very much admire your willingness to be honest. You know I love honesty here :) . Way to be bold.

Doug Dellwo on May 13, 2009 said:

We need and have needed a big man. We need a presence in the middle that can challenge shots and contend for rebounds. Okur is 1/2 of Tim Duncan. He has a shot but no inside strength. In the two years against the Bulls we would have won both years except for the big man, we did not have one. We need one.

Matthew on May 13, 2009 said:

Speaking of players on the Jazz not liking their teammates… Does anyone else feel like Deron Williams is fed up with everyone else on the Jazz? I mean it makes sense that he would lack confidence in them, especially Boozer with all of his charging and traveling calls but it would be nice if we could get some guys that Deron feels confident in. The only person I can really see him feeling confident giving the ball to is Millsap.

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