Manufactured Jazz News Weekly: Vol. 1

Posted by Trevor Fuchs on September 22, 2009

Ronnie Brewer Makes a Huge Splash Among Activists
While fellow teammates Deron Williams and Kyle Korver hold charity dodgeball and golf tournaments, Utah Jazz guard Ronnie Brewer has been making a philanthropic splash of his own.  After watching a summer filled with events benefiting important charities and organizations, Brewer was inspired to take action.  “I’ve always felt close to this issue and wanted to get involved immediately,” Brewer noted.

In an avenue that is welcomed by animal activists and sports fans alike, Ronnie Brewer has announced that during the basketball off-season, he will be starring in a prime-time show at Sea World San Diego.  Entitled “Ballers of the Sea”, the hour long show that will be preformed twice daily, will also feature Jazz players Paul Millsap, CJ Miles, and Carlos Boozer.  The show features high flying acrobatics and plenty of slam dunks.  What is even more spectacular is that the show has allowed four bottlenose dolphins to be released from captivity already.  Dr. James Hardy, a marine biology professor at USC, suggests that a program, such as this, could possibly increase the Pacific Ocean’s bottlenose dolphin population by 10% in just 10 years.

“I had the opportunity to swim with a dolphin when I was a young kid, and I’ve been involved with them ever since.  I feel like this is a great cause and together we can all help reduce the captivity of these beautiful creatures.  Plus, I’ve always been a very strong swimmer and have always wanted a chance to combine my two favorite sports,” Brewer explained.  After a short press conference, Brewer and friends made their wet and wild debut in a media preview for next summer’s opening.  In the epic climax, Brewer, Miles and Millsap, swimming in tandem, explode from the water into triple backflips as Boozer passes balls to all three.  Simultaneously, Miles and Millsap hammer dunk the balls into the same basket and Brewer lands on top of the backboard, dropping the ball through the hoop from above.  “The ‘Triple-Alley-Oop-Hammer-Dunk-Egg-Basket’ took us several weeks to perfect, and we plan to showcase it at every performance,” Brewer stated.

In addition to reducing the amount of dolphins in captivity, Sea World and Ronnie Brewer will donate all proceeds from the ticket sales to The Pacific Dolphin Foundation, a California based non-profit organization.  “This is all I’ve ever wanted to do.  Dunk a basketball and save some dolphins,” Brewer mentioned, adding: “I am working hard to get some additional players involved from around the league, and have already received interest from Gilbert Arenas and Trevor Ariza.  We want to make a big thing of this.  Dolphins are very important to the ocean’s eco-system and we have to protect them.”

The show will run from July until the first of October in 2010.  For more information visit seaworld.com

2 Comments

hahahahaha on September 22, 2009 said:

v. nice. the onion would be jealous

Earl on September 22, 2009 said:

Loved it! Can’t wait to see volume 2!

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